I achieved a new life experience today.
I never really understood heartache/break as people described it to be. The part when for a moment your world stops and then suddenly, waterworks! That’s exactly what I felt the moment he told me, he’s dating one of my closest friends.
Let me give you a background. I had this friend from high school. Lanky, but oddly cute. We were close. We were like bros. and that’s exactly the problem. I was in the friend/bro-zone early in the game. Then I started to like him. He’s cool. Then we went to the same university. Remained close friends. And I never got the courage to tell him about my feelings. So 7 years after I realized I liked him, here I am, still in the friendzone. My feelings remained. But I tried real hard to suppress it. I was just kinda hoping it will all go away cause there is no chance he’ll ever like me back. Plus I never really got to experience other people. I’m just not into that flirting game, meeting new people, and all that jazz. And tbh, I kinda accepted that We will never be a thing.
But then, he suddenly PM’ed me in facebook. Telling me he had to tell me something. That he and my friend were a thing now.
And then it all happened. My world stopped. My heart ached. I cried for like 20 mins straight. It all dawned on me. I really did love him. I thought it was just a silly puppy love. I even thought I was incapable of such thing [loving]. So I’m human after all. LOL.
So yah, THAT HAPPENED. Awkward. But then again, we can’t really chose who we love. It’s just that I was not that person for him. I loved him but he does not love me romantically. Never did and probably never will.
Now I think after listening to Bon Iver’s ‘Skinny love’ and version of ‘I can’t make you love me’, Adele’s ‘someone like you’ and all those fucking depressing songs I used to listen to but can’t reaaly relate to, I can finally say I’m moving on! FOR REALZ.
I’M MOVING ON! (now say it over and over again until you feel it in your bones)
On a positive note, at least now, when people talk about love and heartaches, I can honestly say “I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL”. So yeah. Now I’m gonna read fluffy Brittana fanfics to feel better. Coz yeah, Brittana is ENDGAME! at least I have that. AHHAHA!